you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
