I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
not ubering you a puppy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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