We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
