party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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