toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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