his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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