He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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