so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
