Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
