I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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