wanna go halves on a baby?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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