I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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