i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
