They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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