Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize