I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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