yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize