I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
