One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
