I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
