Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
