Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am one with the molecules
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
