I want to stick my p in your. b.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
