your parents love me but you hate me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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