oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
