i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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