Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
