is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
