So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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