I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
