At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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