we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am available for nakedness
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
