Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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