He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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