Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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