I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize