someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
