mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize