he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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