If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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