I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
