i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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