gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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