Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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