can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
God, I missed his penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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