Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
