You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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