So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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