Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
