i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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