I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
