I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
