Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
