Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
