She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
