There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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