I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize