he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
