Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
