I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize