I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
