So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
