Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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