you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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