I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
