It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Two words: nipple clamps
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