A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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