It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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