Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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