Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
